Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Top 5 Reasons I HATE Books







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Look at them! Sitting there with their gorgeous covers and intriguing stories! Well I've had enough! It’s confession time:


The Top 5 Reasons I HATE  BOOKS !


They are a sickness! Like a mad game of Pokémon you let one of these things into your life and they take over. Soon their are shelves, and coffee tables devoted to whole stacks of them. Not to mention bags, bookmarks and book diaries. They take over your car and work spaces, pockets and pocketbooks. It never ends!


2) They Have Totally Ruined Taco Tuesday

Who can even think about Tacos when new books are released into the wild ? Either your running to the bookstore on your lunch hour or your glued to your E-reader trying to decide which preorder to read first. Adios Tacos! Speaking of food that leads into ….


You know the feeling. It’s the middle of the month and though you picked up the latest  hardcover's, your food stores are down to milk , condiments & a few random boxes of mac and cheese. Thank goodness Almond Milk has such a long shelf life!


4) They Lead to Questionable Relationships

So your minding your own business on a Train, Airplane, the Hall H Line at Comic-Con,and some guy leans over and says “I love that book” . You turn and though normally your warning bells might be ringing, he’s talking about how much he likes Jon Snow or name drops Neil Gaiman, so you ignore your internal warning system. Next thing you know your in a coffee shop raptly listening to him talk about the redemption of Headmaster Snape and BAM! Your in a relationship!


A few weeks pass and you realize he’s a Kindle Fire & Your a Nook HD. He spills something on your copy of The Hunger Games and dares to call Katniss boring(!!) and you wonder how the hell did this happen? Worst of all you break up and then realize he still has three of your books. So then you go to the store and buy them all over again. You find that the new editions  are out. The ones with the kickass covers, and you get over it. Still it was all books fault!


5) The Government Enables Your Addiction


So lets say by some magical set of occurrences you actually take a break from buying books. You decide you are going to “shop at home” and tackle the towering pile of books on your TBR pile. But then you wake up one morning feeling twitchy. That new Origami Yoda book is out this month, or you read about a new novella or steamy romance you just have to have . Well guess what? You can get and your car and drive to a public resource called the library. A place where they will give you books. Up to 20 a day! All you have to do is flash a card and you walk right out the door with them! Or you can download them to your e-reader, or request them from another branch!

Let’s say after bringing the books home you decide instead to read Harry Potter instead. No problem you just go online and renew them for another 3 weeks. It’s madness .


Man it feels good to get these thoughts off my chest!!

Oh, One more Thing:













1 comment:

Jillian said...

Haha. Happy April Fools Day! I like the government enables your addiction thing. Because that would be kind of awesome.